


The Preservation of Self

by okemmelie



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, everyone's dumb but what else is new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-13 16:20:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21171293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okemmelie/pseuds/okemmelie
Summary: Falling in love with Charlotte is simultaneously the hardest and easiest thing Ted has ever done.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this back in august and i still haven't come up with a better title, so i guess we're committing to this. enjoy!

Ted could have sworn that the parking lot was empty when he had started his mission moments earlier. Balancing two open boxes and a coffee and closing a car door? That’s hard work for one man. But it’s hard work he intends to do. He manages to get the door closed with his foot, but ends up stumbling backwards and spilling coffee on his white shirt in the process. “Ah, fuck!”

“Oh no, are you alright?” It’s voice he’s never heard before, which makes a lot of sense: This is his first day on the job and he’s only ever met Mr. Davidson. This isn’t his boss, but rather a redheaded woman who takes the boxes, then his coffee, out of his hands. “Let me help you with that,” she offers, fishing some tissue paper out of her pocket and handing it to him. He happily accepts and does his best to remove the coffee. He’s not optimistic about it.

What a perfect start to a new job. Who doesn’t dream of wearing a coffee stained shirt on their first day? At least he appreciates her attempts to help. “Thank you,” he quickly says before taking a look at the shirt. He had hoped it would just magically be gone, but of course it isn’t so. Dammit.

The woman offers him a soft smile. “Oh, it’s no problem, really. It’s the least I can do,” she says. “I’m Charlotte, by the way.” She offers him her hand and he shakes it, giving her a smile in return. She really didn’t have to do anything. Hell, Ted wouldn’t even have been mad if she had just laughed at him, but she hadn’t. And he appreciated it.

“Ted. Nice to meet you.” He meant that. “So. You work here, huh?” He figures he might as well offer some small talk and find out what he was working with here. Chatting up Charlotte seems like the least intimidating thing he could be doing right now. She nods. “Me too. Well, it’s my first day, but we all gotta start somewhere, right?”

Charlotte nods again, going quiet for a moment. It seems like she’s in deep thought. Maybe he should make his leave? He goes to grab his boxes from the ground but freeze when she speaks up again. “Wait, Ted. Let me take a look at the stain for you, yeah?” Ted decides there was no harm in letting her look at it, so he straightens back up. “Hm. Do you know how to remove it?” He shakes his head. “Well, do you have anything to change into? I can handle a coffee stain.”

Once again, he shakes his head. “No. I didn’t exactly think I’d need a change today. But it’s no problem. I’ll wear it, I’ll just–”

She cuts him off. “Nonsense! I have some extra shirts in my car. Come with me.” She grabs his wrist and tugs him with her. She is wearing a knitted pink sweater and Ted isn’t sure something like that is really his style, but she seems to insist and so, he followed. “Brown or blue?” She asks when they get to her car, which is parked right on the other side of his.

“Eh, brown?”

Charlotte lets go of his wrist to open the trunk, pulling out a shirt nearly identical to the one he’s wearing, had it not been for the color. “Here. Try this.” She hands it to him, and he nods slowly before changing. Ted isn’t about to ask her what men’s shirts is doing in her car. He’s just happy to not be wearing a stained shirt anymore.

“Hey, so how do I remove the stain?” He asks. He could probably do it on his own if he just knew how to and Charlotte has already done too much for him.

However, she does not seem to agree with that. She grabs the white shirt from him and tosses it into her car. “Oh, you just let me worry about that, Ted. I’ll get it cleaned tonight and you can have it back in the morning, alright?” And what is he supposed to do? Complain? No way. He offers her a nod and another smile. This is definitely alright. “Now let me help you with those boxes.”

*******

When Charlotte arrives at the office a little late that morning, Ted takes the opportunity to go to her table. “Hey.” He greets, leaning against the table slightly.

She looks up at him and gives him a big smile as he puts down the coffee that he had grabbed for her on his run to Beanie’s. Despite him only having been at the office for three weeks, it had already almost become a tradition of theirs to share a few cups of coffee throughout the day. It was nice. “Thank you, Ted. And good morning.”

Ted lifts a small plastic bag up from under the table and puts that down next to her coffee. This only makes Charlotte look at him confusedly. “It’s the shirt. The one I borrowed from you a few weeks back, remember? I finally had it washed.”

“Why, thank you Ted.” She takes a look in the bag and gave a small nod as she confirmed that it is, in fact, the shirt. “You can keep it, you know? It looked really nice on you.” He had worn it two days in a row back when she had first let him borrow it and he actually agrees with her. It does look nice on him.

As much as he wants to just say yes right away, he figures that the polite thing to do is to play along. During the past three weeks he had gotten quite close with her and he wants her to think positively of him. She is far more fun to be around than Bill. Plus, she’s a total hottie compared to both Bill and Paul. “Are you really sure? I don’t wanna just take your stuff, you know?”

She nods. “I’m sure. Sam never uses it anyway. That’s why it’s in the car, actually. No, no. It’s better off with you.” This isn’t the first time she’s mentioned this Sam, but he always just kind of figured it was someone from the office he hadn’t met yet or one of her friends.

Ted’s logical reasoning skills tells him that this Sam is probably a boyfriend, maybe even a husband. But sometimes you had to repress logic and live in ignorant bliss, which is what Ted instead chooses to do so he can say the next thing he says without feeling guilty: “Well, let me at least buy you lunch. As a thank you.”

*******

A few months later, Mr. Davidson decides to throw a company Christmas dinner. It’s at this point that Ted’s hard work of repressing goes totally out the window, as he meets the famed Sam for the first time. He’s running fashionably late to the event because he just  _ knows  _ that Mr. Davidson is going to spend the first ten minutes giving a speech and that’s the last thing he wants. Or at least that’s what he thought, before he sees Charlotte just outside the venue. Well, Charlotte and a man in the middle of what seems like a pretty heavy make-out session. He decides to attempt to just go past them and into the building, but before he’s all the way in the door, he hears her voice.

“Oh, hi Ted. Didn’t see you there.” He takes a moment to put on a smile before turning to face them. They both look messy as fuck, but he can’t really blame them. “This is, uh. This is my Sam. Sam, this is Ted.” Ted nods at Sam who nods back.

It’s awkward. At least Ted thinks it’s awkward. “Well. I’m gonna go inside. You two have fun.”

Mr. Davidson is still talking when Ted enters. It doesn’t surprise him and he’s almost relieved: He’d much rather be annoyed at this than watch Charlotte and Sam make out for one more second. “There you are. Ted, your seat is over there!” Of course he’s being called out. He nods at Mr. Davidson before making his way in the direction he’s pointing him. There are three free seats, two of them labeled for Charlotte and Sam, one of them labeled for him. It made a lot of sense: Him and Charlotte spent a lot of time together at the office. But it just isn’t ideal right now. At least Bill and his wife sits across from them.

So. If he is being completely honest, he has never really listened super intensely to any speech Mr. Davidson has held. Ever. That’s about to change. His boss points Charlotte and Sam to their seats next to Ted and as they sit down, he actively focuses on Mr. Davidson instead of them and the speech suddenly felt much shorter than he would have liked for it to be.

When it was over, Ted claps his hands together and looks at Bill. “I’m gonna go grab some booze. You two want anything?”

For a moment, Bill seems confused that Ted is speaking to him. Or maybe he’s just confused because Ted isn’t being a complete asshole to him. Ted decides that that’s probably the reason. “Sorry, Ted. I’m the designated driver tonight. Our daughter, Alice, is at a friend’s place and I promised I’d come pick her up when she calls. Plus, I promised Paul I’d drop him off as his place if he’s ready to go home when we are. Now, if you could grab me a soda, I’d be–”

At this point, his wife cuts in. “If you could just grab me whatever you’re having, that’d be great. Gosh, does your boss always speak that much, dear?”

Ted had just nodded throughout Bill’s small rant, but it’s refreshing to hear his wife’s voice. Plus, she wants something much less boring and he can appreciate that. He has no idea how he’s supposed to survive a night next to Sam and Charlotte with two sober parents, so this is a true blessing. He throws the couple some quick finger guns as he gets up.

Deciding not to be a complete dick to his coworker, Ted pockets a soda for Bill before heading to the alcoholic drinks. The first thing that catches his attention are pink drinks with small umbrellas in them, so that is what he brings back to the table.

“A bold choice.” Bill’s wife notes. Ted hasn’t caught her name and he can’t be bothered to ask for it. Realistically, Bill has probably told him at some point, but does he ever listen to what Bill tells him?

Ted gives her a quick wink. “I’m a bold man.” He fishes Bill’s soda out from his pocket and hands it to him before sitting down. “Besides, fruity drinks are delicious. Only pussies think otherwise.”

This only makes her laugh and thank God for that. If Bill’s wife had been as dull as him, Ted would have had no idea what to do with himself.

“Oh shoot!” Bill says as his phone begins ringing. He leaves the table for a bit, only to come back and inform them that it’s Alice: She wants to be picked up. Bill quickly kisses his wife goodbye and promises to be back as soon as Alice is asleep.

Luckily, Bill’s wife also isn’t a pussy and the two of them end up getting way too drunk, like most normal people at company Christmas dinners. At some point during the night before Bill returns, Bill’s wife tells him her name right before he fucks her in one of the bathrooms. He’s forgotten in the morning and Charlotte’s back on his mind.

*******

He eventually relearns that her name is Jenny when they accidentally run into each other at his apartment twelve times. He stops answering her messages and phone calls when Bill mentions that his wife is leaving him. He does, however, buy the poor man a coffee. It’s the least he can do.

*******

Mr. Davidson sure loves his company-wide events. In the summer, he decides that they are all going camping: They’d been working hard and he thought his employees deserves to have a good time. It’s another one of those ‘bring a plus one’ events, because their boss refuses to go an entire weekend without his wife, Carol.

This time, however, Bill’s not bringing a plus one. In fact, he’s not even coming, which Ted finds pretty lame. He would have totally helped his friend hook up. Sure, their selection is kind of narrow, but Ted considers himself quite the pro when it comes to the ladies and he’s certain he could have played the role of wingman. But it’s fine. Bill’s not taking the whole divorce thing all too well and Ted still has Paul to hang around if things get boring, which they inevitably will. It’s a camping trip, after all.

Both Charlotte and Sam are going. Ted knows this, not only because they still work in the same office, but also because she’s been keeping their coffee tradition alive despite his best efforts to not pay her too much mind. Jenny really helped with that for a while, but it’s just not the same anymore. She’s his work friend’s ex-wife and while Ted doesn’t have a lot of standards for the women he sleeps with, that’s just one thing he can’t see himself doing. Friends’ exes are off limits.

Most of the first day is spent getting settled in. They make a fire in the evening and Ted sits next to Paul, who’s carefully roasting marshmallows, for most of the evening. It’s not super interesting, but he doesn’t feel brave enough to talk to Charlotte when Sam’s right there. Sam saw him flirt with a married woman last Christmas and they’ve shared some looks throughout the day. Ted doesn’t know a whole lot about Charlotte’s husband, but the one thing he does remember is that he’s a cop and Ted is not about to mess with that.

Ted and Paul share a tent the first night. The second night, the sky is clear and Mr. Davidson decides that it’s a fun idea for all of them to sleep under the stars. Ted ends up getting settled in a spot between Charlotte and Paul which seems to bother Sam a little bit, but Ted just offers him a shrug before going to sleep.

When he wakes up in the morning, there’s a warmth to his body that he wouldn’t quite have expected from sleeping outside. It takes him a moment to fully realize that it’s because Charlotte has managed to cuddle up to him during the night. He finds himself involuntarily smiling and he tries to hide his face in her hair in the hopes that no one will notice. Besides, she’s right there. If he closes his eyes, maybe she won’t even notice that he’s awake.

For a long time, nothing seems to happen, so he decides to wrap an arm around her and very carefully place a hand near her ass. Is it the right thing to do? No. But Ted isn’t known for doing the right thing. It also seems to awaken Charlotte. She moves closer to him at first but then seems to realize what she’s doing - or who she’s doing it to. So she moves away. Far away. And this makes Ted open his eyes to look at her. “Morning, babe.”

“Uh. Good morning, Ted. What are you doing? Were you cuddling me?” She asks, visibly stressed as she eyes Sam who’s sleeping behind her. “And don’t call me babe, please.”

Ted can see she’s not a fan of the whole situation. And maybe that makes sense. Her husband is right there, after all. But he can’t spend too much of his energy worrying about some married woman, when he could spend his energy worrying about himself. “Actually, you were cuddling me. I was just trying to sleep.” Not entirely a lie. This was mostly her work. “Maybe stop being a babe then?” His flirting techniques could use a little work, but it’s early morning and it’s Charlotte, who’s already married. Not that that had stopped him in the past, but his chances with her are low enough in the first place, so why should he be putting in the effort? That exact philosophy is one he decides to commit to this morning. “You know, Sam’s still asleep. If you get back over here and we’re really quiet, I’m sure we can have plenty of fun before anyone wakes up.”

“No! Absolutely not. I’m a married woman.” She’s quick to deny it, but Ted’s an expert in bullshit and he sees right through it. Not that she’s hard to read. She’s eyeing the now empty spot next to him and biting her lip. It didn’t exactly scream happily married and not into him. “You’re disgusting.”

He can’t really do anything but shrug at that. By all accounts, she’s right. “Whatever. Your loss, babe.”

Charlotte spends the rest of the day clinging to Sam and dramatically looking away whenever Ted and her make eye contact. Ted spends the rest of the day with a smug smile on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> melissa has such a strong costume design and idk, we deserved to see more of her so here she is

There’s another Christmas party this year and Ted is more prepared to face sitting next to Charlotte, because this year, he hasn’t been stupid enough to let himself think there’s something between them. He hasn’t bought her as many coffees, he hasn’t taken her out for lunch and he’s not been too vulnerable with her. Plus, he’s let himself come to terms with the reality of Sam. He’s decided to spend the night drinking with his friends. And perhaps hit on someone, but for himself this time.

Every single time Ted tells himself that he’s gonna spend the night with his friends, he ends up disappearing from them as soon as the opportunity presents itself. At first he tries to hit on Carol Davidson, but he’s very quickly turned down. Maybe she loves her husband more than Jenny did. He moves onto the new girl, Melissa, and he’s pretty sure it’s a locked down success, because they’re making out next to the bathrooms and it’ll be so easy for them to slip in there for a quickie.

They don’t.

Ted feels someone poke his shoulder and when he turns around, it’s Charlotte. For a second, he considers just brushing her off and going back to what he’s doing, but then he notices that she looks like she’s been crying. And he decides that trying to support a friend who went to him for help is more important than getting laid. At least for right now. He squeezes Melissa’s ass and offers her an apologetic smile before letting Charlotte drag him off.

It doesn’t take long before they’re sitting on a bench outside and none of them are saying anything. A tear is running down her cheek and Ted isn’t sure how to react, so he just wraps his arms around her and holds her for a while. No one’s ever given him a crash course on comforting women, but now he’s kind of wishing they had.

An idea pops into his head: Sometimes when he’s stressed, he has a cigarette. He always keeps some on him, just in case, so he pulls one out of his pocket for Charlotte. At first she looks at it, seemingly confused. “Oh, Ted. I shouldn’t.” But she grabs it anyway and quickly lights it as he hands her his lighter. “This is a bad idea. I haven’t smoked since high school.” And that’s the last thing she says before taking a drag. It seems to at least relax her a bit.

“What happened?” Ted asks, wrapping his arm back around her. She lets him.

Charlotte takes another drag. “It’s, um. It’s Sam.” She sighs, leaning further into Ted’s touch. “We’ve been fighting lately. And– I don’t want us to fight, but it’s just so… it’s frustrating, Ted. And I get that he’s busy at work, I do, but I also want to spend time with my husband. And he’s been so distant lately.” She pauses to take another drag of the cigarette. Ted mentally pats himself on the shoulder for coming up with such a good idea. Then Charlotte continues. “But he promised he’d go with me tonight and we were just gonna have a good time, you know, and spend the night together, but instead he’s left to go play poker with some work friends and… And… And I just, I– I don’t want to be a bother to him, but I just, I really want to spend some time. With my Sam. You know?”

To be entirely honest, Ted doesn’t really know what to say. For the most part he tends to stay out of emotionally loaded conversations and while he knew full well what he went into when he followed Charlotte out, that didn’t mean he knew how to act. “Sam’s a jerk.” He also knew full well she didn’t want to hear that, so when she starts to speak up again, he cuts her off immediately. “No, he is. He made a promise and he should have stayed. You deserve better.” In Ted’s opinion, Sam is also a jerk for other reasons, but it was unlikely Charlotte would listen. “Now, I’m not gonna sort out all your relationship problems, Charlotte. I can, however, offer you booze and a place to get really smashed without the fear of judgement, if you’re interested.”

It takes her a few moments to consider. Then they go back to his apartment.

*******

Two bottles of red wine and a few glasses of whisky later, Charlotte definitely seems to be having a better time. Her legs are swung across Ted’s and there’s a smile resting on her lips. She’s laughing at his jokes and she’s even been responding positively to his flirty remarks, and Ted convinces himself that right now is his best chance at something more. He’s been dancing around the reality of his feelings or whatever the fuck they are for a year and a half at this point and he’s not gotten further than this, so fuck it! If it’s not now, it’s never. He’s not gonna waste anymore time pining over her if she’s not gonna give him any sort of confirmation back.

So he goes for it.

He slips a hand behind her neck in an attempt to pull her a little closer, but moves most of the way himself, and after they share a moment of eye contact, he kisses her. It initially take her a moment to respond to the kiss but before he knows it, she’s straddling him.

It also doesn’t take long before Ted’s hands are under her shirt. He’s never been one to waste time, why start now? This, however, causes Charlotte to pull away from their kiss. “Wait, wait, wait. I shouldn’t do this, Ted. Sam, he–”

Ted decides that it’s reasonable to cut her off by pressing his lips against hers again and while she does kiss him back, it’s not for very long this time. “Then don’t.” They look at each other for a while without anyone saying anything. Then he starts pushing her shirt up and she helps him get it all the way off. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” He assures her, before trailing a few kisses down her neck and all the way to her breast.

His tie and shirt joins Charlotte’s shirt on the floor not long after and Ted watches her as she mindlessly runs her fingers over his collarbone. He gets it. Making out with someone else when you’re married is one thing, but making the decision to sleep with someone else? It’s not always easy. At least that’s what he’s observed from the married folk he’s shared a bed with. But it’s also becoming an old song for him: He’s drunk and tired of waiting for Charlotte to decide what she wants.

Before she has the chance to speak up, Ted gently grabs her head between his hands. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful.” Not technically a lie, but he’s used the same line with the same inflection so many times that it feels more like auto-pilot than anything real. “Kiss me?”

She does. She also lets him pick her up and carry her to his bedroom. She even lets him undress her entirely, eat her out and fuck her. Then he lets himself fall asleep with his arms wrapped around her.

*******

Ted wakes up to the feeling and sound of someone moving around in his bed. Charlotte, he assumes, and just turns over to go back to sleep, until it hits him that it actually is Charlotte and that, with his luck, she’s probably leaving. “Good morning,” he says sleepily, as he opens his eyes and try to catch sight of her. She seems to be looking for something, but freezes on the spot once she hears his voice. He gets out of bed and starts putting on his own clothes, but when Charlotte still doesn’t say anything, he sighs softly. “Shirts are in the living room.”

This seems to get her going, as she quickly nods and leaves the bedroom. Ted takes his time and opens a window before he follows her. At this point, she’s already making her way towards the door, but she pauses before opening it and turns around. “Ted. About last night, I…” She trails off, but shakes her head before forcing herself to continue. “Nothing happened. Nothing happened between you and me, alright? And, and… And nothing is ever going to happen between us. I’m married and I love Sam and this was just… Nothing. It was nothing.”

“Aha… Aha……. Aha.” Everytime she pauses, Ted takes a step closer to her until she’s between him and the door. There’s a moment of silence between them, but Charlotte doesn’t move away and Ted takes that as a positive. He moves in to kiss her, but stops right before their lips touch. As much as he wants her to feel wanted, he wants to feel that from her too. A few moments pass and she still doesn’t move: Not away, but not closer either. Ted is pretty sure that if he just closed the distance, she’d kiss him back. He is even more sure that he doesn’t want to be the first one to give in. Instead, he unlocks the door and pushes it slightly open. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

*******

They do see each other Monday. And Tuesday. And Wednesday. And Thursday. And Friday. Actually, they see each other every single work day until Christmas finally comes and they get a whole week off. Ted very quickly concludes that not seeing Charlotte at all instead of being ignored by her is the best Christmas gift of them all. Especially because the only other gift he gets is three pairs of socks from Paul. What a fucking asshole.

*******

January is a quiet month. Well, quiet between the two of them. Ted’s been actively bothering Paul more often than he usually would, so it doesn’t completely surprise him when he receives an invitation to his coworker’s birthday. “And remember, Ted, it’s a dinner. It’s not a party, we’re not hitting town. It’s just a nice dinner with my parents, Bill a–”

“Cool, cool. I’ll be there, okay?”

Maybe if he hadn’t been a complete idiot and cut off Paul, he would have heard that Charlotte would be there too and he wouldn’t have been as surprised when she arrived twenty seconds after he does. Maybe they wouldn’t have had to awkwardly nod at each other as they both removed their jackets. And hey, maybe Ted wouldn’t have spent the entire evening flirting with and attempting to charm Paul’s mom. Okay. He probably still would have done that, but Mrs. Matthews is easily charmed and there is nothing that brings him greater joy than seeing Paul regretting every single life choice he’s made leading up to this moment.

*******

Ted says goodbye to Paul’s parents when they leave and he even gets a kiss on the cheek from Mrs. Matthews: He considers it a victory. Plus, it was nice hearing her call him a nice, young man to Paul while they are on their way out the door. Bill, Charlotte and himself are staying a while longer. Ted, being the great friend he was, had bought Paul an expensive whisky and Paul has decided they were all gonna have a taste of it now that they’re alone.

Now. Being ignored for almost two months by the woman you had set your hopes on majorly sucked, but it was nowhere near as heartbreaking as seeing Paul pour cola into the expensive whisky and then realizing that Bill had already done the exact same thing mere moments earlier.

“What the fuck?”

Paul looks up at him. “What? Is everything alright?”

“No. Everything is not alright, Paul,” he says, downing his glass. He never got around to pouring a lot in there, so it was fine. “You’re putting Coca-fucking-Cola in fifty year old whisky and you’re asking me if everything’s alright? Geez, Paul! And don’t you give me that look, Bill, you’re not any better.”

“So? What’s wrong with that? I like it better like this.”

That just makes Ted roll his eyes and he decides he’ll drink his whisky in silence from now on. Once his glass is empty yet again, he makes his way to Paul’s tiny balcony and fishes a cigarette out of his pocket. Before he has a chance to light it up, Charlotte joins him. He offers her the cigarette and she accepts it: He lights it for her before finding one for himself as well. “So. You wanna talk about what happened?” And although he suspects he knows the answer, he figured he might as well get it out of the way now.

Charlotte takes a drag of her cigarette. Then she shakes her head. “No.”

“Cool.” And for a long time, that’s it. They just stand together, smoking in silence and watching Hatchetfield. Ted finds it difficult to know what to say to her lately and their limited conversation for the past almost two months has definitely not helped. At least the silence feels more comfortable than it has at any other point during those months. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, he’s not gonna push it. That would be very unsexy of him, he decides - and unsexy is the last thing he wants to be, especially around her.

*******

They eventually rejoin the others and they celebrate the last remaining moments of Paul’s 27th birthday, before Bill reminds them all that they should be living more responsible lives by heading home. And they do, not long after. They say their goodbyes to Paul and walk to the street together, but from here they’re heading opposite directions. Ted doesn’t make it far before he hears Charlotte speak up. “Wait. Ted?”

“Yes, Charlotte?”

There’s a brief pause before she speaks again. “Walk me home?” she asks quietly. There’s an uncertainty to her voice and Ted can’t seem to figure out where she’s going with this. He’s about to ask her why he’d do that but then she continues. “Sam isn’t home and… You know… It’s kind of late and it’d be nice to have someone know I got home safe.”

At this point, Ted is just nodding along to what she’s saying. What he had heard was, ‘come home with me, we’re gonna fuck’ and he honestly doesn’t care what excuse she has to tell herself to rationalize it. If they can’t do anything else, he’ll happily accept fucking but he won’t sugarcoat it. At least not to himself. “Yeah, of course. We’ll get you home.”

Charlotte lives on the third floor of an apartment complex in a nicer area of town than both Ted and Paul, but Ted barely notices what the inside of the apartment looks like. The moment the door closes behind them, her lips are pressing against his and before he knows it, they’re making their way to the bedroom.

*******

When he wakes up, the bed is empty. He puts on some pants before wandering out of the bedroom in a search for Charlotte. She’s standing out on the balcony, fully dressed and smoking a cigarette. Ted decides to join her. “Good morning,” he says, giving her a nod. She responds by nodding back but doesn’t say anything. She barely even looks at him. “Do you have an extra?”

Charlotte ends up handing him her half-finished cigarette and he accepts it. Then she finds and lights a new one for herself. He accepts that too. He figures that cheating on your husband while he’s away for the night is worse than cheating on him when he’s left you alone at a Christmas party he'd promised he’d go to.

“We can’t keep doing this,” she says after a while of smoking in silence. She still doesn’t look at him, but keeps her eyes glued to the street below them.

Twice is hardly enough time for her to pull the ‘keep doing this’-card, Ted decides, but he doesn’t say anything about it. “Why not? It’s a good time. Does it stress you?”

She finally looks at him. It’s a confused and angry look. He thinks for a second that maybe he gets it. It’s a strange question, but he has a plan: He swears he has a plan. Plus, he’ll take that look if that’s the sacrifice he has to make. “Of course it stresses me!” She exclaims. “I love Sam. And I’m his wife, I’m not supposed to cheat on him.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. But… You know.” A smug smile grows on Ted’s lips. “Sex is supposed to help when you’re stressed. If you come back to bed, I’m sure I can make you feel better.”

Charlotte is kind enough to let him get dressed before she kicks him out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no one can stop me from adding more melissa, so i added more melissa

Despite having slept together again after Paul’s birthday, things aren’t nearly as awkward between Ted and Charlotte. Ted doesn’t exactly have a lot of friends in Hatchetfield, but work friends are a kind of friends, he decides.

Sure, he doesn’t have as tight of a friendship with Charlotte as he had in the beginning, but she could not have had a husband or not have slept with him in the first place, and that would solve a lot of their problems. Sure, he’s probably the reason Bill’s wife left him and sure, he constantly worries about Bill finding out and never speaking to him again or whatever, but it’s hardly Ted’s fault that Jenny’s a cheater. She probably would have left him even if she hadn’t met Ted. But that’s just what adult life is like, he decides.

Paul’s whisky choices are ungodly, but other than that he’s alright. He’s also neither Bill nor Charlotte, so Ted decides to give him two months worth of pretty consistent attention. He even tries to bring coffee back from Beanie’s to him one day, but they end up looking at each other uncomfortably for a few seconds before Ted turns around and walks off without saying a word.

*******

One Wednesday in early March, Ted doesn’t show up at work. He’s not told any of them that he’s not coming, but he’s not expecting them to worry, so he’s a bit surprised when he gets a text message and sees it’s from Bill: ‘ _ Hey. You’re not at work today _ ’. He sends back a thumbs up. ‘ _ Why? What are you doing? Are you okay? _ ’ Bill asks in another message.

Ted sends back a shrug emoji and Bill stops messaging him. Then he pours himself another glass of red wine.

A while later, his phone buzzes once again. Another text message, this time from Charlotte: ‘ _ Why aren’t you at work today? _ ’. He takes a long look at the message, trying to decide if he can even be bothered to reply. Before he knows it, another three messages from her shows up: ‘ _ Ted _ ’, followed by ‘ _ Why aren’t you at work? What are you up to? _ ’ and ‘ _ Answer me, please _ ’.

He texts her back: ‘ _ drunk _ ’.

She replies immediately. ‘ _ Drunk? What are you doing drunk? It’s a work day! _ ’

The clock on his phone tells him it isn’t even twelve yet and sure, maybe it wasn’t the right time to be drunk, but when is the right time really? Might as well be now, he decides with himself. It takes him another glass of wine to decide how to reply to Charlotte: ‘ _ watching america’s next top model. got the day off _ ’’.

She sends him a few more messages, but Ted doesn’t open them. He’s too busy typing a message for Paul: ‘ _ hey buddy. come over and have a drink with me _ ’. Paul very quickly replies, saying he was at work and, to Ted’s disappointment, that he can’t come because he’d rather keep his job. Ted just as quickly copies the message he had sent to Paul, changes one word and sends a new message, this time to Melissa: ‘ _ hey babe. come over and have a drink with me _ ’.

‘ _ why? _ ’

‘ _ it’s my birthday _ ’

‘ _ is it really your birthday? _ ’

‘ _ yes. would i lie to you? _ ’

‘ _ probably, yeah. but i’ll take that chance _ ’

After Ted sends her a winking emoji and she calls him gross, she asks where to meet him. He sends her his address and she comes over not long after. The Ted who meets her in the door is not a charming one: He’s wearing sweatpants and an open shirt, and he already smells like alcohol despite how early in the day it is. Luckily his goal for the day is drunk, not charming.

“Wow, Ted. You’ve really outdone yourself today, huh?” Melissa doesn’t look too impressed and he can hardly blame her. “What made you think this was a good idea?”

He decides to pout at her. Not because she’s hurt his feelings, but rather because he’s able to. That’s enough for him. “You have to be nice to me. It’s my birthday, remember?” Back home, his family has always made a big deal out of birthdays and even though he had actively tried avoiding his friends from work finding out when his birthday is, he still thinks he deserves to be treated with the proper birthday respect. “I’ve had a rough few months. I’m allowed.”

When Melissa’s finally fully inside his apartment, Ted closes the door behind her and helps her hang up her jacket. She thanks him before he leads her further into the apartment. Then she makes fun of him for watching America’s Next Top Model and sits down to drink with him until it’s half past ten in the evening and the entire season is over.

Ted fills up their glasses once again, emptying yet another bottle of wine. Melissa takes a sip before she speaks up again: “You know… Some people have birthday dinners with a few friends, some people go out drinking on their birthday. I’m pretty sure you have to be a special brand of loser to spend the day drinking and watching an entire season of America’s Next Top Model.”

“Shhh.” Ted puts a finger in front of his mouth as he shushes her. “Why do you keep ignoring my ‘no bullying’-rule? Why are you so rude to me?” This just makes her laugh at him. “Oh my God, shut up. You’re not even better than me. Sure, it’s not your birthday, but you literally spent your day the exact same way.”

She shakes her head. “Not true. You watched three and a half episodes without me. That automatically makes me better.”

“Does not.”

Their playful arguing eventually turns into making out, which they eventually move from his couch to his bedroom. Making out eventually turns into sex, and when it’s over, they both lay on their backs and stare at the ceiling for a while. Before she’s caught her breath entirely, Melissa speaks up. “Yep. I’m definitely a lesbian.”

Ted nods. Then he lifts his hand to high five her. She looks at his hand for a good ten seconds before deciding not to leave him hanging. “Bi.”

“I swear to God, if you’re kicking me out right now, I’ll punch you in the face.”

“Not kicking you out. Just saying I’m bi, you fucking idiot.”

“You’re the idiot… idiot.”

They lay in silence for a while after that, but Ted can’t seem to fall asleep. Throwing a quick glance at Melissa, it doesn’t seem she can either. “You’re right,” he says. He’s pretty sure whatever feelings he may or may not have towards Charlotte makes him a big fucking idiot. “Hey Melissa?” She looks at him. “How do you know if you like someone?”

“I don’t know, man. You just know.” When he doesn’t answer her, she continues. “You’re not in love with me, are you? Because that’d be totally awkward. For both of us.”

He laughs, then shakes his head. “Don’t worry. Just, uh…” He considers telling her about him and Charlotte. “Goodnight, yeah?”

*******

It’s not something he actively chooses to notice, he tells himself, but Charlotte is taking a lot more smoke breaks than usual and it seems the number keeps growing. And it’s not that he’s concerned or anything. He’s not. She can live her own life and whatever. The only reason he decides to ask her how she’s doing is because he smokes himself and they one day happen to take their break at the same time.

“I’m doing just fine,” she tells him without looking him in the eyes. He doesn’t push it.

He also doesn’t continue to worry about her after their short conversation that day. At least not more than he’s supposed to. Anyone would be a little bit concerned if their coworker clearly isn’t on top, he tells himself as he buys a round of coffee for the entire office. He doesn’t even say anything as he places cups of coffee on his other coworkers' desks, but he does bring his chair to Charlotte’s desk and puts down his own cup there as well.

“Hey. Got you some coffee.” Sure, the statement might be kind of obvious, but Charlotte’s not looking up from her phone and how else is he supposed to catch her attention?

When she’s ignored him for a while and he doesn’t move away, she sighs and looks up at him. She offers him a small smile that doesn’t look convincing. “Thank you, Ted. You really didn’t have to.”

He shrugs. “Sure, but I wanted to.” He misses talking to her at work and even if he doesn’t have high hopes for today either, he decides that this is better than nothing. “How are you doing?”

She once again tells him she’s doing fine, he once again doesn’t believe her, but he –  _ once again _ – decides to leave it at that.

*******

When Ted decides to spend a night out in Clyvesdale with Melissa, he has his first educated guess as to why Charlotte’s been feeling down lately. It happens when Melissa taps his shoulder and points to a guy making out with a girl across the dancefloor. “Isn’t that Charlotte’s husband?” she asks him.

And sure enough, there he is. Sam. As if Ted didn’t dislike him enough already, there he was: Making out with someone who definitely wasn’t Charlotte. He asks Melissa to hold his drink before he makes a beeline towards Sam. Shortly thereafter, he’s thrown out of the club with a black eye and the satisfaction of having punched Sam.

Sam isn’t thrown out of the club. Neither is Melissa. Ted tells her to stay as he texts Charlotte, asking if he can come over. She tells him yes: Apparently Sam’s ‘working late’ tonight. Soon after, he leaves Clyvesdale alone in a taxi.

*******

“What happened to you?”

Ted steps inside her apartment and quickly removes his shoes and jacket before answering. “I punched your husband.” She gasps. Before she can say anything, he continues. “He punched me back. Turns out, he’s a lot stronger than I am. Who would have known? Anyway, the point is: Sam’s an asshole. Also, do you have ice?”

It takes her a second to process what he’s saying, but she nods and starts walking towards the kitchen. He follows. “Sit down,” she instructs him and he does so. She pulls something out of the freezer and wraps it in a cloth before handing it to him. Then she too grabs a chair and sits down. “Why?”

“Why I punched him?” He asks. She nods. “Because he deserved it.” She doesn’t look satisfied and Ted sighs. “Okay, fine. He was making out with someone that wasn’t you and that wasn’t cool.”

She doesn’t look satisfied with that either, but she also doesn’t look surprised. “Oh,” she says softly. He really hopes she’s not about to cry because he still doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do about that. “Does he know that we…” She trails off, not really wanting to finish what she’s saying.

Ted shakes his head. “Not my place to tell him.” He’s not even sure it’s his place to tell her this, but now he has. “You deserve better than him, you know?”

“That’s really sweet of you to say, Ted, but I… I cheated on him too, remember?”

Of course he remembers. He was there, after all. “Yeah, but he was an asshole to you before that. You could do so much better.” She looks at him skeptically. “Okay, fine. You could do  _ better _ .”

“Yeah?” She asks.

“Yeah.”

He leaves the ice to melt on the kitchen table when Charlotte takes his hand and drags him into her bedroom once again. This time, he doesn’t stay the night. He does, however, kiss her goodbye before leaving the apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> melissa is a blessing, but i also kind of miss green peace girl ok?

Not once since that night in Clyvesdale has Ted seen Sam and he’s happy that that’s the case. He has, however, seen his coworkers. Since Charlotte and Melissa already knows and Bill’s a coward, none of them ask before Ted’s alone with Paul at a table outside Starbucks one day during their lunch break.

“Dude, what happened to you?”

Ted gives him a quick nod and a wink, which slightly hurts but is totally worth it. “Wouldn’t you like to know, eh?”

This just makes Paul sigh. “Yeah, Ted. That’s why I’m asking.”

After finishing his coffee, Ted makes the decision to share his adventure with Paul. “Thought it was a good idea to punch Charlotte’s husband. Forgot he was a cop. Found out he was a lot stronger than he seems.” He snatches a cookie from Paul’s plate and for some reason, perhaps because Ted has a black eye, Paul lets him.

“You… Punched Sam? Why”

Ted rolls his eyes. Wasn’t that what he just said? “Yeah, yeah. But in my defense, he deserved it. And I’ve already told Charlotte about it, so it’s fine.” On their way back to the office, he tells him about the night out he had with Melissa and what Sam did to deserve being hit. He doesn’t mention the part where he went to Charlotte’s after.

*******

“You’re awful at picking up girls, I hope you know that.”

They’re at Starbucks during their lunch break once again and Ted has just tried his chances with the barista. Now that they’re outside, Paul doesn’t feel bad about calling him out. Ted just shrugs at his comment. “And how many girls have you been with since you got to know me?” This seems to shut Paul up. “Thought so.”

Paul takes a bite of his cookie. “Does it ever work out for you?” When Ted turns around his cup, revealing a phone number scribbled on it, Paul sighs loudly. “But that’s a barista. She doesn’t know you. If she knew you, she wouldn’t have given you her number.”

“Paul. I’ve slept with three people, just from the office. The office’s where I’m at my worst.”

Now, maybe Paul should have thought about what he was going to say, but he didn’t. He just says the first thing that comes to mind and comes to regret it almost immediately: “What? Who?”

Ted nods. “Yeah. Melissa, Charlotte and– Well, Bill’s wife doesn’t exactly work here, but she was at that company Christmas dinner, so I’m counting h–”

“You slept with Bill’s wife? What the fuck, Ted?” Paul interrupts him and it was probably for the better. Before Ted has a chance to answer, Paul continues. “And Charlotte?  _ Charlotte _ ? Bill and Jenny got a divorce and sleeping with a friend’s ex-wife is bad enough, but Charlotte is still married.”

He shrugs. “Well, they weren't exactly divorced when we hooked up.”

Paul tells him that he doesn’t want to know more about a million times before they get back to the office, but he also keeps asking questions and Ted decides that it’s nice to have someone to share it with. And Paul’s his friend so it might as well be him.

When they get back to the office, Melissa pulls Ted aside. Paul gives them a weird look, but leaves them be. “Ted,” she starts once Paul’s gone. “Ted, guess what?” Having just had the conversation he had with Paul, Ted has no idea what he’s supposed to guess so he just shrugs and hopes she’ll tell him anyway. “Heather just asked me out!”

It wasn’t that Ted wasn’t invested in Melissa’s life - he just honestly couldn’t remember who the fuck Heather was. “Oh? That’s great!”

Melissa was about to start talking again when a phone rings. Ted’s attention turns to Charlotte who was the one answering it and Melissa gives up on him as he doesn’t seem to turn his attention back to her before the call ends. He catches Charlotte’s eyes from across the room and she gives him the tiniest nod. Then he finally turned back to Melissa.

“What the fuck was that about?”

It was about whether or not Ted should come over tonight, but he wasn’t about to tell her that in the middle of the office. “I’ll tell you tomorrow over lunch. After you’ve told me everything about Heather.”

*******

He drives Charlotte home from work that afternoon. Sam dropped her off this morning, but he’s driven off to Clyvesdale to hang out with some friends and doesn’t intend to come back before tomorrow. It’s apparently the third time he’s done this just in the past week. Ted knows this because Charlotte’s been talking about it ever since they got in the car, but now she’s quiet.

She’s quiet because his hand is on her knee. And Ted knows this because she shut up the exact moment he put it there. He keeps his eyes on the road. He doesn’t keep his hand on her knee. Charlotte doesn’t say another word on the way home, but she doesn’t exactly keep quiet either.

They reach her apartment and Ted parks his car in her driveway, then finally looks at her. She seems to be out of breath and Ted decides he’s allowed to be proud of himself for finishing her off on such a short car ride. He might be biased, but she looks beautiful sitting there right now and he has to remind himself that he can’t just kiss her when they’re not behind closed doors. And especially not in her neighborhood. He doesn’t exactly get why they’re going to her apartment instead of his, but he doesn’t mind. Whatever makes her happy.

In a quick motion, he undoes her seatbelt for her. Then, he gives her thigh a small squeeze before exiting the car. He walks around the car to open her door for her and even gives he a hand with getting out, which she seems to appreciate.

Her apartment looks like it always does, with the exception of a few beer cans left by the couch. He decides it’s not his place to ask. Besides, Charlotte’s still not talking and as much as he enjoyed her shutting up in the car, it’s weird when they’re alone in her apartment. So he circles around her and carefully wraps his arms around her waist from behind, pressing his body closely up against hers. He places a few kisses on her neck until she giggles and seems to relax against his touch.

“Ted…” She turns around in his arms. He takes it as an opportunity to pull her even closer. “I haven’t felt like this for years.” Her voice is barely a whisper but her breath is warm against his neck and it’s sending shivers down his spine. He’s never felt quite like this.

He carefully places two fingers under her chin and lifts up her face so he can look into her eyes. She smiles at him. It’s soft and it warms his heart and he feels like he’s the one about to melt in her touch.  _ Fuck _ . He smiles back. Then he kisses her. It’s soft this time. A lot softer than any other kiss they’ve previously shared. He doesn’t want the moment to end, but he supposes the universe and the very concept of time doesn’t care what he wants.

It’s Charlotte who ends it by unbuckling his belt. He fucks her. He fucks her against the wall in the entrance, on the couch, in the kitchen, on her and Sam’s bed. He fucks her until he forgets that she isn’t his and he isn’t hers and then he fucks her once more when he’s forgotten everything but how her name tastes on his lips.

*******

Mornings after aren’t their specialty. Charlotte’s sitting on the edge of the bed when he wakes up and when he moves up to put a hand on her shoulder, she shrugs it off. He sighs. He wants to show her that he cares, but that’s hard when she refuses to let him. He decides to just press a kiss against her shoulder instead and when she doesn’t push him away, he tries with a few more. It seems to relax her.

Pretty soon, she’s sitting on top of him with her legs wrapped around his back and his hands are buried in her hair and they’re making out. She asks him why he’s always so fucking horny. He wants to ask her the same question back, but he doesn’t think she fully knows how often she’s the one initiating it, so he just tells her it’s because she’s so fucking hot all the time instead and that seems to work for her, because they have sex again.

But mornings really aren’t their speciality, because they get dressed right after and Charlotte fiddles with her wedding ring before she looks up at Ted. “We can’t keep doing this.” Of course. He’s about to say something about it, but she cuts him off. “No, Ted. I’m serious. We cannot keep doing this. I- I- I don’t know why I thought it’d be a good idea to invite you here yesterday, but it clearly wasn’t and this needs to stop.”

“Charlotte.” He steps closer to her and she looks down. “Charlotte, look at me, goddammit!” He carefully places his hands on her hips and she lets him. “Sam can’t keep doing this. Sam’s a fucking asshole.” He logically knows that he shouldn’t be raising his voice, but dammit if he isn’t angry at Sam. He sighs and then continues, his voice way softer now. “When’s the last time he did something nice for you, huh?”

She stays quiet until she realizes that he’s expecting an answer and isn’t going to continue before she’s given him one. She mumbles something that Ted doesn’t quite catch and he asks her to repeat and she does. “I don’t know.”

Ted has to physically stop himself from not rolling his eyes. “You don’t know. Jeez!” She deserved so much better, he thinks to himself as he leans down to kiss her forehead. “Charlotte. I’m telling you this as a friend and not a lover. You deserve something better than this. A husband’s supposed to do nice things for you. Seriously. Don’t let him treat you like this.”

He should have said someone. “Maybe you’re right,” she says, pushing his hands off of her before grabbing a clean shirt from her closet. “Maybe Sam and I should start counselling.” God, he really should have said someone.

“Charlotte–”

“Goodbye, Ted.”

*******

“Hi, are you interested in saving the planet?”

Going on a walk seemed like such a good idea to him when he came home, but now that he’s out here and face to face with this young woman who seems to be with Greenpeace, he’s regretting it. He gives her a smile anyway. “I just fucked someone else’s wife. Do I look like someone who’s concerned about saving the fucking planet?”

She doesn’t say anything else, just looks at him in shock. He hands her a twenty and walks off.

*******

He goes out drinking that evening. Well, afternoon. Is it a good idea? No. But will it stop him from thinking about Charlotte?

Also no.

The bar’s almost empty. That’s not uncommon for Hatchetfield, especially considering how early it still is. He buys himself a drink before sliding into a booth with a stranger. The stranger is a brunette. She’s tiny and doesn’t appear to be that much older than him. But more importantly, she has a drink in front of her and doesn’t look a lot more put together than he feels. She looks up when he sits down. Brown eyes, thank God. “What’s a woman like you doing alone in a place like this?”

She laughs. That’s a good sign. His chances aren’t completely out the window. “I’m throwing my own bachelorette party.” She holds up her hand, showing off her engagement ring. His chances aren’t completely out the window. “What’s a man like you doing alone in a place like this?”

That’s something he’s never been asked. So he shrugs and holds up his glass. “I’m throwing my own pity party. Wanna come?”

It takes her a while to consider. “You know what? Sure. I’ll join your pity party.” They clink their glasses together and Ted makes the decision to down the contents of his. She follows suit. “My name’s Jane, by the way.”

“Ted.”

“Nice to meet you Ted. So… You come here often?”

She was awful at flirting. Even worse than him on his bad days. But it was fine, he decides as he goes to grab them yet another drink. She was getting married in a week and she’d never even kissed anyone but her fiance.

They’re seven drinks in. Well, he’s seven drinks in. He has no idea how long she’s been here and he’s not about to ask. “It’s dumb, y’know? Like I love him, I really do, and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but my whole life I’ve just been so… so restrained by all these stupid rules I’ve made for myself and I’m so afraid that I’ll feel like I’ve missed out on something.” He nods along. “Do you have a bed?”

He looks at her with nothing but confusion. It’s not what he expected her to say and he’s not sure where exactly she’s going with it yet. “Uh… yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have a bed. Why?”

“Do you wanna maybe, um… Do you wanna–”

“Fuck?”

She almost spits out her drink. Almost. “Um…” She laughs nervously and downs the rest of her drink. “Yeah. Do you wanna fuck?”

He does. They go back to his place and he watches as she carefully places her engagement ring in the pocket of her jacket. He gives her a tour of the apartment and considers pouring them another drink to ease the mood, but then Jane pulls him down to her by softly pulling his tie and she kisses him. They end up both dropping their clothes by the edge of his bed and she’s pretty enough, but she’s not Charlotte. He sleeps with her anyway.

*******

Another year means another Christmas party and Ted finds himself wishing it didn’t, but he attends anyway. He arrives early for once and sees that he’s been seated next to Bill. It makes him consider leaving right away.

But he doesn’t and he ends up regretting it pretty quickly.

Charlotte and Sam are the next ones to arrive and of course their seats are right opposite of his and Bill’s. He offers them a fake smile, before getting up and going out to grab a cigarette before the party’s even begun.

Mr. Davidson’s speech isn’t any more exciting than it was last year or the year before, but Ted turns and listens to it anyway, because Charlotte’s holding Sam’s hand above the table and he doesn’t want to look at it. He tells himself that she’s doing it to make him jealous and that helps a little. It’s better than the alternative, at least.

As soon as the speech is over, Ted leaves his seat to go say hi to Melissa and Heather. It’s his first time meeting her and he wants to leave a good impression, but he’s straight up not having a good time tonight and it’s hard, especially because his next stop is the drinks table and he has nothing stopping him from going back to it time and time again.

He gets very drunk very quickly, and Paul ends up driving him home long before the party’s over. It’s not his proudest night.

*******

He runs into Jane and who he can only assume is her husband the next day while he’s buying snacks to save him from his hangover. It’s not as awkward as it could have been, but it’s still awkward.

*******

The second time he meets Heather is at Melissa’s New Year’s party. He’s happy to be invited and he hopes to leave a better impression this time. So he doesn’t drink – well, he doesn’t drink  _ much _ . She seems nice and Melissa seems happy, so he’s happy for her. For them.

It’s a little past ten when he gets a text. It’s from Charlotte and she’s asking him to come over. He decides for himself that it’s for the better if he doesn’t reply. Nothing good is going to come from visiting her and he’s having a good time with Melissa and Heather. Charlotte’s just going to be sad because something happened with Sam and then she’s going to throw him out in the morning, telling him there’s nothing between them. It’s not worth it.

He says goodbye to Melissa and Heather, and he starts walking.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a holiday special but not about halloween

It’s quarter to midnight when Ted knocks on her door. A few moments later, Charlotte opens the door. Her eyes are a bit puffy and she smells like alcohol. She looks surprised to see him there, but steps aside and lets him in anyway. “Ted. I didn’t think you’d come.”

He starts removing his shoes and jacket, then remembers that he didn’t answer her text. Not that it matters now. He’s here. “Of course I came.” At this point, he doesn’t think he’s capable of not coming when she asks him to, no matter how badly he wants to.

“Do you want anything? Maybe champagne? I have some champagne if you want any. Or wine. Or–”

He cuts her off. “Champagne’s fine.”

She smiles at him and he smiles back. When he reaches for her hand a moment later, she lets him take it. Then, she lets him lead her to the balcony and they stand out there for a while. Together.

It’s getting even closer to midnight and they can hear the TV counting down from inside the apartment.  _ Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six.  _ Ted turns to face Charlotte, grabbing her other hand.  _ Five. Four. Three. _ He pulls her a little closer. _ Two. _ She looks up into his eyes.  _ One.  _ She pulls him down for a kiss and he lets her. There’s no way he’d rather enter 2017 but with Charlotte.

They don’t have champagne that night. They don’t have sex either, but they do fall asleep in each other’s arms.

*******

In early 2017, they fall into a routine. Charlotte still insists on pretending there’s nothing between them and Ted lets her. Then, when she’s upset, she calls him and he comes over. They fuck, Charlotte throws him out and Ted tells himself that it’s okay and that he’s only sleeping with her because she’s easy.

Then it’s his birthday and he makes the mistake of wishing for things to be different. He brings her coffee in the morning and she gives him a smile. “Why thank you, Ted. I didn’t think we were doing this anymore. What’s the occasion?”

“It’s my birthday.” He shrugs. “Plus, I wanted to do something nice for you. Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?” He figures the quickest way to get an answer is to just ask.

She looks around the room, seemingly trying to decide if anyone can hear them. “Why would I come over for dinner, Ted?” Keeping this thing between them a secret is obviously more a concern to her than it is to him, but she’s the one who’s married and who doesn’t know he’s already told Paul and Melissa.

He does keep his voice down when he answers, though. For her sake. “I don’t know, because it’s my birthday and it’d be nice to spend some time with you?”

“Ted… When will you stop pretending I’m your girlfriend?”

“I don’t know, Charlotte. When will you ask me to be your boyfriend and leave that husband of yours?”

She doesn’t answer for a while. Then she tells him she won’t come over for dinner. A few hours later, he receives a text asking if she can come over after dinner. He says yes.

*******

It’s September, and Sam and Charlotte haven’t had sex for almost two months. Ted knows this, because he’s had sex almost every day for two months. Charlotte’s talkative and he doesn’t mind, because he loves hearing about her day and about her thoughts. And maybe he’s a little selfish for enjoying the fact that her marriage is falling apart, but it’s not his fault that he’s hopelessly in love with her.

Sam’s visiting his parents out of town this weekend, which means Ted is staying at Charlotte’s apartment for a night or two. It’s a good time. He likes that this is where their routine is heading. Sure, he wishes things were even better, but he’ll take what he can get.

She drives them home from work Friday after work and tries to copy Ted’s move from last year by slowly moving her hand up his thigh, but he grabs her hand and intertwines their fingers instead. He’s sure they’ll have plenty of time for sex later. They usually do.

He cooks her dinner and she tells him that her and Sam will be starting couple’s counselling together next week. They’re not having sex, she tells him again, and she thinks it’s ruining their marriage. Ted just laughs softly and kisses her. There’s a lot of things that are ruining their marriage and he’s one of them, but he knows she’s not gonna listen to it, so he just lets her talk about Sam.

*******

Mr. Davidson is kind enough to seat Ted and Charlotte opposite of Melissa and Heather at this year’s Christmas Party. Charlotte tells Ted that Sam had promised their councillor that he’d be there with her tonight, but he’d cancelled last minute: Something came up at the precinct, she says.

Ted doesn't buy it, but he is happy to be here next to her so he doesn’t say anything about it. He puts his hand on Charlotte’s thigh during Mr. Davidson’s speech and she’s worse than him at keeping a straight face, but at least Heather doesn’t seem to notice. Melissa, however, rolls her eyes at Ted and he smiles back innocently. It’s not like he’s doing anything wrong, he tells himself. He’s just sitting there with his hand on her thigh.

Except for Melissa and possibly Heather, the people seated around them don’t really know about Charlotte and Ted, but they do know about Charlotte and Sam, so he does his best to treat her like a friend that evening. And maybe he ends up fetching her everything she asks for and giving her all his attention, but that’s just the kind of friend that he is today, he decides.

Fuck what everyone else thinks, anyway. Charlotte deserves someone’s full attention and he is more than willing to put in the work.

*******

Sam is out of town for Christmas and he hasn’t invited Charlotte. On one hand, that’s excellent news: It means Ted gets to spend a week with Charlotte without having to worry about Sam suddenly coming home.

But on the other hand, it makes him incredibly angry to know that Sam would do something like this to her. He tells her that he thinks she deserves better and she shakes her head at him. That makes him angry too, because he knows she does.

It doesn’t help that Sam’s a police officer, because Ted sees him around town before he leaves and it takes everything in him to not punch him again. Seriously, fuck Sam.

*******

Ted arrives at Charlotte’s apartment the morning after their last day at work for the year. Christmas is still three days away, but he’s excited for the entire week and not just Christmas day. Although as he’s standing there and waiting for her to open the door, he realizes that he can’t remember the last time he was this excited for Christmas, or any other holiday for that matter. Maybe there truly is something special about spending it with loved ones.

When Charlotte opens the door, she’s smiling. It makes Ted smile too.

He’s never been one to waste time so he steps inside, closes the door behind him and pulls her in for a kiss. She doesn’t seem to mind, because she kisses him back.

Their first day together is a whole lot of the same, but when they go to bed that evening, it finally dawns on Ted that he doesn’t have to get up and leave early in the morning. It’s a nice thought to fall asleep to.

*******

“Goodmorning.” Ted’s been awake for a while when Charlotte finally wakes up. He’s felt restless for a while, not used to staying in her bed for this long after waking up, but he knows that he can stick around this time and he intends to.

She smiles at him and he smiles back. It’s a nice way to start the day. “Goodmorning, Ted.”

They share a lazy morning kiss and Ted’s sure this is what he wants from life: Going to sleep next to Charlotte and waking up next to Charlotte. Maybe he just wants Charlotte.

“You know,” he starts. “I could get used to this.”

Her cheeks turn slightly red and she hides her face in his chest. She doesn’t say anything, so he wraps his arms around her and presses a kiss to the top of her head. It seems to relax her a bit, so he considers it a victory.

They stay in bed for another hour or so, before they get up and go to the kitchen together. They cook eggs together, half-naked and seemingly unable to let go of each other.

When they’re done eating, Charlotte pulls him into the living room and tells him to wait while she goes to get something. He does. Being alone in Charlotte’s apartment is certainly strange, he concludes, and he’s happy when she returns. She’s carrying a box, which she puts down on the floor in front of him.

“What’s that?”

“Decorations!” There’s nothing exciting about decorations in his opinion, but she seems so excited when she opens up the box and Ted can’t help but get invested too. “Christmas decorations! I figured we could hang some up together.”

Ted hasn’t wanted to hang up Christmas decorations since he was a young boy, but right now there’s nothing he’d rather do. It ends up consuming most of the day and they definitely hang up too many in Ted’s opinion, but it seems that Charlotte thinks it’s just the right amount.

*******

It’s the night before Christmas and they’ve just had sex. Charlotte rolls off of him, but it doesn’t take her long to cuddle up to him after. Ted certainly doesn’t mind and he slips an arm around her, then quickly presses a kiss against her forehead. It makes her smile.

“Hey Ted?” Charlotte says after a while.

“Mmhm?” He looks down at her. She doesn’t look back.

Almost a minute passes where none of them says anything, then Charlotte takes a deep breath and finally meets his eyes. “Oh. Oh, nothing. I’m just being silly, forget I ever said anything.”

“You sure?”

She nods and he lets it go.

*******

On Christmas Day, Ted wakes up early and makes sure to leave bed quietly without waking up Charlotte. He does, however, press a soft kiss to her cheek before getting up. He goes to the kitchen and starts making them breakfast, still making sure to keep the volume down.

She’s still not awake when the food is done, so he places it on a tray then goes to wake her. He does so by kneeling by her side of the bed and softly blowing on her face. It eventually does the trick. She looks tired and a little annoyed, but he supposes that’s fair.

“What was that for?”

He shrugs, then presses a small kiss on her lips. “I missed you.”

She smiles. “I missed you too. Let me go make us breakfast.”

“No. No, no, no, no, no. You stay right here.” He starts getting up and so does she. “I insist.”

With a sigh, Charlotte’s back under the covers and Ted’s leaving the bedroom. He returns with the tray moments later and carefully sits it on top of the bed, before getting seated in it himself.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

She was right. “I wanted to.”

Neither of them say much while they have breakfast but when Ted tries to get up, Charlotte grabs his hands to get him to stay. He does.

“I love you.” Her voice is barely a whisper, but it manages to drown everything else out.

Ted is about to say it back, but catches himself. Does he let himself get caught up in the moment and feel happy for a few more days, or does he take the steps necessary to protect himself from the pain of disappointment?

Of course he protects himself. “What do you mean by that, Charlotte?”

“I mean I love you.”

“Do you want to be with me?”

“I love you.”

“Is anything going to change or are you just going to keep saying you love me?”

“I love you.”

He laughs to himself. It’s a bitter laugh. Then he gets up and starts packing his things.

“Don’t leave me, Ted, I love you.” She doesn’t get up from bed before he starts heading for the door.

He pauses for a moment. It’s not that he doesn’t love her back. He just can’t say it back and let her know that he wants more than she’s willing to give him. She probably already knows, considering how often he’s asked her to leave Sam, but he hasn’t said he loves her yet. He still has that left. If he doesn’t say it, it won’t hurt as badly.

“Merry Christmas, Charlotte.” He goes home and spends the rest of Christmas alone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> emma's finally in hatchetfield and YOU BET i'm gonna put her in the final chapter

It’s January and Ted has been avoiding Charlotte as much as possible. Sure, he’s not been entirely successful, but he’s done pretty well and he intends to keep it up for as long as he can. Speaking with her hurts more than ignoring her and Ted prefers not to hurt.

He’s sitting at his desk - half working, half thinking - and suddenly, Paul is in front of him. He blinks a few times. “What do you want?”

Paul laughs awkwardly and scratches the back of his head. “Oh, I just wanted to let you know my birthday’s coming up. I’m turning thirty and I’m having a dinner this weekend. Do you want to come?”

“Is Charlotte coming?” Ted asks. Paul nods. “What about Sam?” Paul nods again. Ted pauses and gives Paul a big smile. “I can’t that day.”

“I didn’t even say which day it was!”

“I know and I’m busy.”

Spending an evening in Paul’s apartment with Charlotte and Sam, and probably Bill too, sounds like his own personal hell and he’d rather just buy Paul an expensive bottle of champagne, not show up and call it a day.

*******

Ted’s taken a smoke break and he expects to be alone out. He usually is these days. But the door opens and he turns to see Charlotte walking out to join him. She doesn’t say anything: She just stands next to him in silence and smokes.

He begins to make his leave before she’s finished, but she stops him in his tracks. “Ted, wait!” He waits. He slowly turns to face her and he waits. It doesn’t seem she really has a plan, because she looks desperate and doesn’t say anything until he tries to turn around again. “Sam isn’t home tonight.”

That means she wants him to come over. He knows it and she knows it too. He wants to say no, but he’s missed her. They haven’t had sex in almost two months and that’s a long time. “I’ll be over after dinner.”

The remaining workday flies by and before he knows it, he’s at Charlotte’s door. He knows and she lets him in, and they have sex and it’s like it usually is. They go out on her balcony to grab a cigarette after and they don’t talk. Ted doesn’t mind. The silence is better than anything they could say and Charlotte proves that when she finally speaks up.

“This has to be the last time, Ted.”

Ted rolls his eyes, but nods. Then he kisses her and she kisses him back. He leads her back into the bedroom and they have sex again and he wishes he didn’t have to leave, but Charlotte repeats herself whe they’re done: “I’m serious. This has to be the last time.”

So he gets up, gets dressed and leaves without saying a thing. He doesn’t believe her, but he doesn’t want to deal with her bullshit. Not tonight.

*******

He doesn’t expect people to remember his birthday. He’s reminded no one, so it comes as a surprise when there’s cake for him at the office. He’s not sure whether he likes it or not, but he accepts it and even says thank you, but only to Melissa.

It’s not the biggest surprise he gets that day.

Sometime around eight, there’s a knock at his door. He goes to open it and outside is Charlotte. She’s wearing a tan trench coat that he’s never seen her in before and she slowly opens it up while maintaining eye contact. A dress is hiding under it. It’s red and it’s short and it’s unlike anything Ted’s ever seen her in.

“Do you want to come in?” He asks after a while. She nods and he steps aside, opening the door up further. She enters and he helps her out of the coat. He hangs it up for her too, then crosses his arms and leans against the wall. “What are you doing here?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know.” She takes a step closer to him. “To celebrate your birthday?”

“We did that at the office.”

“ _ We  _ didn’t.”

“And you suggest we celebrate… How, exactly?” She slowly starts taking off her dress. It makes him smile. “I thought last time was the last time.”

“This time’s the last time.”

“That’s not a very good birthday present.”

“Fine. Then it isn’t the last time. It’s just… A time.”

He can live with that. He kisses her and helps her out of her dress, then she helps him out of his shirt and his pants, and they make their way to his bedroom. They have sex. It’s somehow softer than usual, somehow more loving. She doesn’t leave when it’s over. She falls asleep in his arms instead and Ted stays awake for much longer, just listening to her soft snoring. He falls asleep with a smile on his face. He wakes up alone.

*******

They fall into routine again. They hook up whenever Sam is out for the night and when they’re done, Charlotte tells him, it’s the last time. He gets increasingly annoyed with it and starts telling himself that he won’t hook up with her again. Then she calls again and he comes over.

*******

His favorite coffee shop, Beanie’s, eventually brings back singing. He knows they used to do it, but he didn’t live in Hatchetfield back then. Some of the baristas are really hot and he enjoys a show, so it just increases his love for Beanie’s.

One day, Charlotte seems to be feeling a bit down at the office. Something with Sam, he assumes. He asks her if she wants to join him for coffee at lunch and she says no, but goes with him anyway. He tells her it’ll cheer her up. It always cheers him up.

“Hi, welcome to Beanie’s, how can I help you?” A brunette stands behind the counter and Ted doesn’t recognize her. Maybe she’s new? But she looks vaguely familiar and he can’t put a finger on it.

He looks around for Nora, the hottie he thinks might be the manager, but he can’t see her anywhere, so he gives up on it and orders: “I’ll have a chai ice tea and she’ll have a black coffee with sugar.”

The woman behind the counter smiles. “Coming right up.”

On the counter is a tip jar with the words  _ Tip for a song  _ written on it. Ted throws a dollar in there, but the woman doesn’t start singing. He figures maybe she’s busy, so he waits until they’re handed their drinks. He puts in another dollar and this time, he knows she sees it. He looks at her expectedly and she sighs loudly.

“Not gonna happen, buddy.”

He wants to insist, but Charlotte smiles apologetically at the woman and pulls him with her. They grab a table and he tells her, he really wanted to give her a song. She tells him that it’s fine and gives his hand a little squeeze over the table.

*******

“How ‘bout a nice caramel frappe, nothing better?”

Ted’s in the break room, but he can hear Paul’s voice so he pops out. “Hey, you going to Beanie’s?” Things have been a little rough ever since Ted didn’t come to Paul’s birthday, but it’s not because of that. Ted’s just been a little more of an asshole than usual.

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t invite me.” Things with Charlotte have been rough and unluckily for Paul, he’s been on the receiving end of Ted’s frustrations. He’s not been angry at Paul, he’s just been a jerk. A bigger jerk than usual. Maybe he can patch it up.

“Sorry Ted, do you wanna come?”

“No, no, no, no, no.” He’s casual about it. That’s the best way to deal with it, he decides. “I don’t wanna show you up, yeah?”

“What do you mean?”

“Paul. C’mon. I know why you walk that extra block instead of just going to Starbucks across the street.” Paul comes with a bullshit excuse, but Ted doesn’t buy it. “Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. You sure it doesn’t have anything to do with that cute little barista over there, huh?”

“That’s not the reason.”

“Yeah. The latte hottay, she’s known throughout the land, right? It’s like, my wife, hehe, right? It’s like Borat, dude–”

Paul interrupts him. “– Alright, bye Ted.” Then he starts walking away.

“Hey! Give me a chai ice tea, eh? Eh? Ehhh…” Ted raises his voice, but eventually gives up on it. He hopes Paul will bring him back a chai ice tea, but he honestly doesn’t have his hopes up too high.

Ted makes his way further into the office. He spots Charlotte in the other end of the room and she’s drinking. Something with Sam, he assumes. He makes sure to stop by her table before the work day is over and he asks her if he should stop by tonight.

She says yes, so he shows up after dinner like he usually does. The weather’s not looking too good, but he’s happy to be spending the night inside with her. They have sex, like they so often do, and Charlotte heads to the balcony after.

“Oh heavens to Betsy, there’s some kind of terrible storm out there,” she informs him. “Hope Sam’s alright!”

It’s something she’s started doing lately, mentioning Sam after they’ve had sex. He doesn’t want to let it bother him, so he joins her on the balcony. “Fuck Sam.” He’s only half-dressed, but it’s alright. He doesn’t plan on being out here for long, but he does wrap his arms around Charlotte from behind and he pulls her closer to his chest. “Come back to bed, alright?”

“Alright Ted, but this has to be the last time.”

He steps back. “Sure Charlotte, just like last time was the last time. If you don’t like what we’re doing here, there’s the door.” He points towards the front door. Her front door. It doesn’t make sense, but it doesn’t have to. He doesn’t want her to leave and he knows she won’t walk out, and that no matter what, they’ll always end up back here one way or another.

They go back to bed and they have sex again and Sam doesn’t come home while Ted’s there. He leaves at five in the morning and he’s barely slept, but it’s been worth it. It’s always worth it.

*******

Paul’s acting weird the next day. Charlotte is too. Ted accidentally drops a comment about how he was at Charlotte’s last night, but no one seems to pay it much mind. He swears quietly under his breath anyway.

Paul is the first to be called into Mr. Davidson’s office. He doesn’t come back. More and more start getting called in, and they sing when they come out. It’s funny at first, but it gets scary when Melissa steps out and sings, and Ted can’t seem to get through to her. He grabs Charlotte’s hand and says, they have to get out of here. Bill follows and he supposes he doesn’t mind. He wants to bring Melissa, but he doesn’t.

They hide together behind some trash cans. Bill and Ted talks together in hushed voices. It’s stressful and he doesn’t know what they should do. Bill doesn’t either. Eventually Paul shows up: He’s there with a stranger and Ted doesn’t like it. Strangers are bad news and they have enough to think about as it is.

Then Sam shows up and he sings and Ted doesn’t like that either. He tries to navigate Charlotte away from him, but she keeps trying to get through to her husband. Ted grabs the lid of a trash can and protects himself with it. When Sam then gets what Ted classifies as dangerously close to Charlotte, he uses the lid to knock the cop out.

Charlotte isn’t happy with him, but Ted insists it was the best choice. Then they go to the king.

*******

Hidgens is an intense man but right now, Ted appreciates it. Despite this, he’s happy when the professor and leaves to go hook Paul up with some alcohol. He’s happy that the others follow as well, because that means he can be alone with Charlotte.

He puts his arms around her. “Come on, Charlotte. We’ll make you a drink, we can relax, talk… Fuck.” And maybe, just maybe, they can finally make up and decide to be together, now that Sam’s out of the picture.

“Ted! I can’t believe you’re thinking about that at a time like this! The whole world could be coming to an end!”

If she’s going to be like that, he might as well be dramatic too. “Uh. Well if I’m gonna die, I’m gonna go out doing the thing I love. Screwing around with another man’s wife.”

“Ted” You’re such a horny bastard!” She goes to slap him, but he grabs her hand. Then he reminds her that he always has been and that he always will be. “You know that’s why I can’t resist you.”

They make out and Charlotte helps unbutton his jeans. He goes to pull up her skirt but before he can, she pulls back. Only a little, though. “Wait! Ted! My husband’s brains fell out today. If I can’t be a wife to him now, what kind of woman am I?”

She tries to be suave about it, but Ted’s not having it. He pulls back completely. “I don’t know, Charlotte, I’m not your therapist! You know, maybe you should go back to fucking him? Hmm?” He doesn’t want her to, but he’s tired of all this. “I know that’s why you actually went to counselling.” It’s a low blow, but he doesn’t care right now.

Then she comes up with an excuse and talks about how she loves Sam, and Ted’s not having that either.

“No, Charlotte! This guy’s a scumbag, alright? You could upgrade… To a sleazeball.” He points to himself. He’s very aware that he isn’t her best option, but he also knows that he’s better than Sam. Then she points to her as he continues: “But you refuse to be happy.”

He pauses to give her a chance to come around to the idea of being with him rather than Sam. She doesn’t say anything. “You know what, Charlotte? I’m done, alright? So you can stay here with your dying marriage and your dying husband.” He throws her the keys to Sam’s handcuffs. “I’m gonna go hit on that crappy barista.”

He does a peace sign and clicks his tongue as he leaves her alone with Sam. She shouts after him, but he doesn’t stop. Hidgens mentioned booze and Ted’s set on getting drunk enough to forget that he’s told Charlotte he’s done.

*******

The alcohol doesn’t help like he hoped it would. It makes him miss Charlotte. Maybe it’s not too late, he thinks to himself. Maybe he can still make things right. He gets up from his chair to go back to her, to tell her he loves her. She enters the room before he has the chance. Sam’s with her. They’re singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading this far, kljasdlkjsdkljas. ur a true babe. also, nora was clearly the latte hottay????? glad we agree. feel free to cry to me abt these nerds @ helenmcwife on tumblr


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